Telling A New Story

Wow, I didn't think I would have so many responses to an idea I had while drinking a glass of wine over dinner!  Thanks for your calls, texts & emails.  Many people may wonder, "how did you get on this path?"  I'm not really sure even I know but I'll do my best to explain.  As I write this I'm weeping tears of sadness & joy.

The Pain
It has been said that God speaks most clearly our pain.  I've found this to be the case for myself.  After my church plant closed I along with my wife went through much personal pain.  One wise man told me it took him 10 years to recover from a similar experience.  I didn't believe him at the time but now I do.  I couldn't go to church for a long time after that because sadness would overwhelm me.  Thoughts of failing God mingled with jealousy of others success held me back and I entered an emotional cavelike existence.  I assumed I was such a toxic person that it was best I not be around people.  Top that with other issues we were having with our son and I almost couldn't bear it.

Well eventually I did start praying, studying the Bible and going to church again.  I was trying to move toward God but couldn't sense any reciprocation.  This only reinforced the negative thoughts I had about myself.  I felt like I had hit rock bottom.  I had always been an avid reader of theology so I started reading again.  I thought maybe there's something I've missed so I read & studied early church history.  As I did this I felt like God was drawing me to a different place.  A place where I'd never been before in all my years of following him.  He was drawing me to His church.

Take Your Shoes Off
I'll never forget the first Sunday I walked into an Orthodox church.  I was there for Matins and I was the only one there.  I felt strange yet warmly welcomed at the same time.  I heard that you're not supposed to sit in an Orthodox church so I dare not do that.  The priest introduced himself and the service began.

I've been in lots of church services- Big, little, crazy, people falling down, seeing visions, dancing.  I've heard some of the best preachers evangelicalism has to offer during my seminary years.  However, what I experienced in the midst of the quiet chanting of the Psalter and incense rising through the little church was nothing less than miraculous.  I sensed the very presence of God -  so holy and pure yet so loving and compassionate.  I heard this loud inner voice saying, "take your shoes off you are on holy ground."  Well, I didn't but I got the message loud and clear.

Look Up
I went back home & told my wife.  I could see it in her eyes- here we go again.  Seminary, job change, moving, church planting, church shopping, now this.  She came the next Sunday and the next and our journey continues together.

Fast forward several months.  I'm in the liturgy with my head bowed quietly wondering how in the world I wound up in this place.  Suddenly I hear another voice as loud and as clear as the first one.  The voice said , "Look up!".  What do you mean look up?   "Look up!", it said.  For the first time I "saw" the icons.  I had looked at them many Sundays & admired their beauty but this Sunday was different.  I "saw" them for what they are for the first time - windows to heaven.

The great cloud of witnesses seemed to embrace me and say to me, "We know your pain.  We've been there too.  You want to know why you're here.  Look up at us.  We've been praying for you to come here."  I thought man I've totally lost it now!  I thought to myself I don't even know if I believe in you.  The icons seemed to smile and say, "We know but we believe in you and that's why you're here."

And the story continues...